2004-09-23

Trying to Find A Balance

I still think he's over there with his head down and his eyes sulking. I could once see the pain in his eyes. He must have been so lonely. He'd lay with his head down over there by the woodstove. He's roll on the floor to itch his back. I remember the face he'd make when he was begging for someone to touch him. His beautiful fur. It was shiny when it was brushed and he liked to be brushed.

He'd always be the outcast opposed to the other dog. Everyone thought Zoe was cuter than Tyson. He'd wait to be petted by they'd never bat an eye towards his way. I feel like I could cry but the tears just won't fall. I feel so weird without him here. Mom says we can't get another dog. I want my OWN dog. She says to wait a year or so. I want a Welsh Corgi. As dumb as it may be, I am even picking out names.

I can't help to feel sadness. I have been over my dog's death but it haunts me sometimes. I contemplate too much. I hate telling the story to people who ask about it. I can never explain it like the first time I did. Nothing is ever as good when it's repeated.

I'm getting a D- in math class right now. I was really sad when I saw it. I have been working a lot this year. I'm just another failure. There is a whole lot of slacker in me and I can tell it's going to break out because no matter what... I will never care about my grades.

Come my sixteenth year and I'm failing school I'll be dropping my ass out of school and do what I have always dreamed. Work at a low retail or food function and live in an apartment that has no furniture in it and go to the record store. Or live at my parent's house and never get laid in my entire existence.

turbogeek at 9:13 p.m.

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