2005-04-05

Revenge on Seattle

I was just watching Nirvana Unplugged. My mom came in during The Man Who Sold the World. She asked me if I was feeling okay today because I seemed upset. I said no but felt like crying and hid it and seemed happy for her. I pointed to my right breast because that's where Kurt is on my Nirvana shirt and said that it was his death day. She misheard it has his birthday and looked at the paused dvd and said happy birthday to him but i said it was the day he died.

then i told her what my sister said today. she came downstairs and said, "happy kurt cobain death day". it offended me.

i saw three people with cobain shirts on today.

so after my mom left the room, with much asking, i started to tear up. it doesn't bother me, but all i did was shed a tear.
i zoned out while i was watching it. i get like, absorbed into the music and it just clashes inside of me and it's all i can hear. it's a really weird feeling i get.

it touched a nerve, obviously.

today, zach walked into the lunch room and i felt like i was going to start bawling. i zoned out then too. he looked sad, and i keep telling myself i'm over him but i'm a fuck up and i still get feelings. not feelings like i like him still, but feelings that i feel like shit, and thrown away. estranged, maybe. it feels weird to be distant.

heather is lipsynching to some degrassi theme song or some shit. it makes me smile.
it also made me smile when kurt said, "what are they tuning... a harp?"
and "strap on your geetar". i had forgotten that for such a long time.

i love plateau on the unplugged album. i hope owen listens to it or something.
i've been pretty quiet lately. kind of reserved. i felt free outside today during lunch.

i think tomorrow i should just go lay in the grass and go into the fetal position and just... fall asleep.
and just die there.

RIP Kurt. your music means a lot to me.

turbogeek at 8:25 p.m.

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