2004-10-14

The State That I'm In

I was depressed as hell today. More than hell. I wouldn't even function right. I went to the office in first hour. I wanted to. I begged to. The teacher walked me down and let me read silently. Then I went to Mr. H's, my homework help class teacher.

I wanted to read and read and read. Catcher in the Rye. I just wasn't even living. I feel so dead, even right now, and so numb. My ex-boyfriend Aaron kept looking at me. Not in a mean way.

I had to go to cooking class. I cried and sat out.

Biology wasn't so bad. Math sucked but I talked to my friend Taylor.

Then I realized Michael is so fucking stupid. Mr. H gathers us to circle up and he talked about a girl protesting about something related to gay rights. Michael's idea of gay is that he thinks girl and girl is ok, but guy and guy is just not gonna fly with him.

Then I told him it was their preference. He just kept on saying it was gross and they could avoid being gay.

I yelled at him and told him he was ignorant. God. I can't get over that shit. He is so fucking stupid and he has no knowledge about anything except SKATEBOARDING.

THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD SHOULD DIE.

Sixth hour I broke into tears. Libby hugged me. I didn't hug back. I just didn't have it in me today to hug back. My mom wouldn't pick me up from school.

She blamed it on me not eating. Mr. H said to get over it. I don't even know what was wrong, just that I had been having a shitty day.

And that I hate myself and feel dead. So dead. And not alive. Dead.

I love Natural Born Killers.

turbogeek at 4:25 p.m.

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