2004-09-21

The Last Day of Summer

I seriously just wanted to die this morning. Nothing was cheering me up, I was depressed as hell and I moped around and was insubordinate.

When I was putting on my dad's boots this morning for school [steel toed], I spotted my dad looking at the cover of my new journal. I thought he would yell at me for the profanity but I told him to stop it. He came over and told me to "take off his fucking boots" and he jerks them off my feet. I immediately started crying and then mom and dad just blamed it on me.

I listened to non-stop Cure on the bus. I was crushed inside and I didn't even have the will power to turn around and complain about the bastard in back of me digging his knees into my back.

I just wanted to read Catcher in the Rye in ACS but no, I had to listen to a play being recited.

I told my homework teacher that I was feeling totally crappy and that I didn't want to live anymore. He's calm and asks me if I wanna see the social worker. I say no because I wasn't up for it.

I don't know what lifted me. The fact that I say stupid shit and that I feel estranged from all of my friends, I really don't see where happiness can fit.

And then it all comes down to this one quote from Pulp Fiction. If I can recall, it's "You fight through that shit".

I finally shaved my legs after them being so very hairy. I really don't mind at all and I am too lazy to keep them perfectly bald but I just had it in me. I was watching Chasing Amy when I decided to jump in the bath.

It took me like an hour and a half. I realized that even the classic rock radio stations are super shitty because all they play is the motherfucking hits.

I need help. I just wish someone would give me a long hug at school. I must sound like an idiot.

I want to be older.

turbogeek at 7:50 p.m.

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